I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
