Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
