Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
