Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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