Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
