so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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