My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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