It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
