i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
