We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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