I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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