what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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