We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
