sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
