omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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