Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
