We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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