I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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