woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
