No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
