i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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