Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
