Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
