Pants 0. Shit 1.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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