i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
