So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
