Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
