my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
