and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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