What did we do last night that was yellow?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
