Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
