That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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