why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
