Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
