Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
