She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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