I want you more than these girls want KFC
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
