Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
