I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
