you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
