No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
