Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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