I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
