yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
two words...techno handjob
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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