roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
