she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Come share oat with me in your robe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
