I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
