Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
