Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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