everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
