you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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