Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
