I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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