belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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