I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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