is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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