that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
