I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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